How are you i’m good thanks? But first can you tell me: what is your disability exactly? Can you tell me all about it? Why do you walk with a crutch? Wait? Can i touch your crutch? Oh my god. Your crutch is so cool. You definitely may not ask me questions about my disability because they are simply rude and intrusive: Music hi. My name is abhishek i’m, a writer, poet, procrastinator and basically i’m, not your therapist, so that’s. What i write on my profile. I am a learner, a thinker, an observer and a connoisseur, and while i am queer disabled and liberal, my core identity is much more variegated because i don’t think it can be confined by these socially constructed labels. I love penguins. I write i like writing awkward, poetry and i hate hugs. So as a part of um, the disabled and the queer community uh, i always felt that most of the experiences uh, mainly the romantic ones, were very inaccessible to us. But what i feel now is that we have redefined valentine’s day and we bring it to you in the form of kriplentine’s day. So wishing you all a very, very happy crippling time day, you know going on dating acts as a disabled woman, when i was about 18 19, i was terrified of my disability, including disabled in my bio, was a huge thing. It has taken me several years to accept my disabled and queer body, and now i proudly write disabled, queer and care thing every now and again, when i stumble upon someone on a dating platform, i have to frequently come out as disabled.
I should not have had to do this and i don’t want to do this, but i choose to do this just to protect myself from further and intense hurting Music. People with disabilities are not capable of having sex, which is bizarre, if you’re an able bodied person on a date with a disabled person. We are not in dire need of your help. People would apologize for you for some reason, because when you tell them that you are disabled, then they would say. Oh sorry and i would say like i’m – not sorry about my body about my disability. Why are you being sorry? Self love occurs for most disabled people. Much later in life, initially, we observe our significant others trying to find solutions for our disability and we grow up learning that our disability is something that is not desirable. The sexuality of disabled women is always up for debate on one hand, they’re perceived as asexual having no desire at all and, on the other hand, they’re perceived as hypersexual having desires, that’s an abnormal dream. When i say i am looking for a partner, i am not actually looking for a caregiver, well there’s, a lot of talk around what a beautiful woman should look like. But what really is an ideal body as a woman from the disabled community and as a woman whose beauty and whose womanhood has been questioned and has been characterized as something not too ideal? I have learnt that femininity is fluid, that beauty is fluid and it belongs in our crutches in our disabled fingers and our disabled hands.
It would involve museums and a lot of books and a lot of food, so yeah an accessible museum when it comes to potential dating partners. I would want someone who knows their boundaries. My best dating experiences definitely have been where uh, with this person with disabilities, because they have a much better understanding of different bodies and they empathize with you i’d, like to describe my best date in the form of a poem, and it goes like this dear teddy. Bear i gave you up for adoption. I am sorry i did not keep in touch. I am sorry i tried to forget you. I am sorry he wanted to cuddle. I wanted him to cuddle. So a teddy was my promise and some carrot cake was his and then i found you and you held a carrot and i almost became a believer, but the next was nil for he normalized my existence and i let go of yours. My dear teddy bear with a carrot. I am reminiscing both of you as i went down there in the dating world. I noticed this need in me to for my voice to appear less disabled on my walk to appear less curvy and over the years i found a certain power in my identity and i feel like when i take the right person. They will respect this and i wouldn’t feel the need of hiding aspects of my disability in front of them. Dear tender soul, don’t carry the world on your fragile shoulders.
Not every flower died because you forgot to water them and that’s, probably my biggest take away from dating it’s. Okay, it doesn’t work out. Doesn’T work out it’s, not on me. There is a power in the disabled experience that we want able bodied people to understand.