The subscribe button with the little bell and don’t forget to check out my new book, make him yours, beating the odds of modern dating, which is now available from the description first chapter. Is there as well hit that subscribe button and i’ll see you right after this Music warning, you’re, probably going to hate me for some of what’s in this video, but it’s empowering and important, so we’re going on number one myth about love. We need to bust love at first sight, so love at first sight is a combination of chemicals in your brain and your sense of smell love at first sight that real chemistry is about you, noting genetic strengths, where you have weaknesses and him doing the same. For you now, this isn’t to say, i’ve, never heard of a couple of course, we’ve all heard of couples who knew at first sight and they tell the story and they’re still together happy after 10, 20 years. It does happen. But what you have to remember is that love is a combination of relationship, skills, it’s, a combination of the effort he puts into you it’s, a combination of all the things that grow into growing together and building an empowering relationship, and you can absolutely have chemistry with People who don’t do that the danger of love at first sight is that you go hey, it’s meant to be, and then you continue to invest in someone who isn’t investing in you and doesn’t deserve you.
You may hear about the couples who fell in love and 10 years later, they’re still together from love at first sight, but you don’t hear the millions of stories from couples who thought they had love at first sight. They were absolutely sure, and then it turned out. He was a narcissist or it turned out. He didn’t put any effort in or had no relationship skills. Love at first sight is a beautiful thing, but it won’t make a relationship on its own. You need all the other stuff on top of it, to make sure that you can form an empowering bond with the right man, so don’t get hooked on love at first sight. Look at the long term relationship picture when you’re choosing a man for love. Myth number two infatuation equals love, slash, love completes me i’ve put these two together because they go hand in hand, and they are incredibly important and potentially incredibly toxic. If you buy into these love myths, so infatuation infatuation is the obsession with the feeling. Someone gives you. We get infatuated with a person because we want that feeling over and over again, the problem with infatuation is it’s, our brain, identifying that that person is the source the only source. The only way to feel that way is, if i’m, with him. If i’m with her – and this is why infatuation can be so toxic because your brain starts to convince itself this person, it needs this person for that feeling, it’s literally dependent on that person to feel that feeling right if you’re waiting for someone to come along.
This goes into the love completes me myth if you’re waiting for someone to come along and fill up those things in your neurology, then you’re waiting for someone to be in a codependent relationship with right love is about growing together, it’s about learning. You can feel those feelings on your own and even if you do find yourself infatuated, which we all do at times, understanding that that feeling comes from you it’s, not about the person the person might have triggered it, but it’s coming from you, you’re not dependent on That person for that feeling the love completes me infatuation. Myth can send you down the road of toxic codependency if you buy into it. So always remember, infatuation is not healthy and love is not built around completing you or infatuation it’s, built around two healthy fulfilled individuals. Complete individuals growing together number three true love can overcome anything much like the love at first sight. Myth the problem with love can overcome. Everything is that you end up staying in relationships. Well, you shouldn’t. I have far too many clients who come to me and women in general who leave comments. Who say, i love this guy at the start, and – and i know we can overcome this when the guy’s being abusive, when the guy is manipulating her when the guy is narcissistic or it doesn’t have to be anything that bad, it could be. One wants kids and one doesn’t. You guys want to live in different areas.
You just have very different personal values: they’re just just incompatible personal values on things like religion or politics, and you guys are strong at either end and they don’t match. True love cannot overcome everything and trying to force it. To do so will actually see you in toxic relationships that harbor resentment and lower both of your self esteem. Myth number four love is effortless. This myth comes from the idea that when we’re in love we just won’t, we all we want to do is serve our beloved. All we want to do is work for him or her, and it will never require any effort or input from us and simply isn’t. True, i mean think about it with your health. Would you say being healthy is effortless course not you go to the gym or you go to yoga or you put in effort. Would you say doing well at work is effortless? Oh you get up in the morning. You go to work, you invest time, effort money, hundreds of hours a month into work, so saying love is effortless is when you think about it, a bit silly. It can feel effortless for the first couple of years, especially when the dopamine is driving your actions and when you’re you’re feeling great, but thinking that love will always be effort. Free is a misnomer. Remember, love does require effort from both of you. Building a healthy relationship in the end is going to be something that you both put effort into and reap the rewards by the way, if you’re, enjoying the video so far, don’t forget today’s content is based off of chapter number.
Five in my new book make him yours, beating the odds of modern, dating myth. Number five. There is only one perfect soul mate out there. This myth has two problems. The first is that what, if you and your soul mate, never come in contact, you simply live in samoa and he doesn’t or vice versa, but more importantly, number two. Is it shuts down the value of short term relationships? You know, some of us are very lucky. We meet one person and we grow and change with that person right throughout our lives for 60, 70 years, even and that growth continues and we grow together in healthy ways that can empower us. But for most of us our first relationship is not our one relationship. That doesn’t mean it has no value. Well, we can look back on that relationship. We can take the learnings and we can appreciate what that person brought to our lives. In fact, i am personally incredibly thankful and grateful for my own ex that i talked about in the how to let go of love video because of all that she taught me and now, almost five years on from that, i can see the way that she’s affected Every part of my life in a positive way, even right through to my current love life, so it’s important to remember that the the perfect soulmate idea it pushes down the importance of these relationships along the way. I can’t necessarily guarantee that the next person you meet is going to be your perfect soulmate.
What i can guarantee is, if you choose well, if you take the skills from this channel, if you make sure you pick guys that put effort into you that raise your self esteem, i can guarantee you’re going to experience growth and happiness in that relationship and that, If both of you grow in the same directions and have compatible values and relationship skills, it could be your longest ie1 relationship, but if it’s not if it turns out you guys, do grow in different directions as you go on it, doesn’t mean that next great guy Won’T be a great growth experience for you. That leads you to your one. Instead of focusing on finding the one, perfect soul, mate focus on finding your next imperfect growth partner, the man you can have a relationship with a long term, one if those are your values and his match it. But one where you can appreciate the fact that no one’s perfect and the two of you grow together to become better humans. Number six love means never being attracted to another. This simply isn’t true it’s gon na happen over time, especially after the honeymoon period. You are going to find attraction, he’s going to find attraction for others, and one of the reasons infidelity rates are so high over 70 percent. Is that we shame this so it’s, not about shaming it it’s not about pushing it down, it’s, not about not feeling it at all it’s about what you do with it.
How will you communicate this as a couple? This can either be something you push down, which causes a problem in the relationship or it can be something that you uncover and communicate on, which actually leads to you being in a stronger relationship and number seven jealousy equals love i’m sure. You can appreciate that if you believe jealousy equals love, then you believe that the more jealous you are, the more you’re in love. Now jealousy is a normal emotion. Jealousy is a hundred percent normal to feel it’s, not jealousy it’s what you do with it. That’S the problem many people use jealousy as an excuse to control their partner as an excuse to act out as an excuse to jump over someone’s boundaries, and none of that is okay. Jealousy is a normal feeling, but caring for your partner, loving your partner, means appreciating their freedom and respecting their boundaries. That means that jealousy is something that you deal with, something you communicate, but something you don’t use to inhibit or control. Your partner don’t fall into the toxic myth that jealousy equals love because you’ll end up in relationships with guys that are incredibly jealous and while it might feel, very loving, you’re, actually walking into codependent and a total collapse. Codependence and a total collapse of boundary function so make sure you don’t shame jealousy, but you understand it’s what someone does with it. That’S most important and that’s the video don’t forget. This content was taken from chapter five.
Make him yours. Beating the odds of modern dating is now out there and if you want to grab a copy, you can do it link in description, if you’re not so sure you can just download the first chapter for free and see what you think of it hit the subscribe Button with the little bell, so you get the notifications and let me know in the comments below what do you think of the miss. Have you had a myth, that’s got to you.