Yes – and i am amy poehler here at the beverly hilton district 7 new angeles – and this is the 78th annual hunger games golden globes golden globes, now tina and i are hosting from two different cities tonight, but the technology is so great. You are never going to be able to tell the difference it’s going to be smooth sailing. You won’t even notice. Oh i’ve missed you, my love. I always knew my career would end with me wandering around the rainbow room, pretending to talk to amy. I just thought it’d be later, but what an exciting night, all the big blockbuster movies that came out of this year are nominated parts of a lady, irish goodnight, mauricio’s dells day planner gronk ali g goes to chicago and we’ll be honoring. All the fantastic tv shows you binge watched this year: the american office old columbos, very one sided news programs, the zoom town halls about your school staying closed and, of course, the cranberry juice skateboard guy he’s, going to skateboard to all the nominated songs tonight. How exciting now, normally this room is full of celebrities, but tonight our audience on both coasts is made up of smoking hot first responders and essential workers. We are so grateful for the work that you do and that you’re here so that the celebrities can stay safely at home. Yes, thank you so much now we we know that you’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff at your job this year, but you have not seen the kind of stuff that we’ve seen at previous golden globes.
This front table right here, usually houses the biggest stars in the world. It’S, usually like meryl streep, just hammered can’t, even remember what movie she’s there for brad pitt’s, always waving at me, like amy, amy and i’m, like dude i’m working it’s like not now oprah winfrey. Just writing her name all over the tablecloth in pen, quentin tarantino crawling under the tables just touching people’s feet. The point is: do whatever you want cause, they do yeah. Those are messy yeah, they’re messy, okay anyway, since you guys aren’t, usually here. Let us explain what this even is: the golden globes are awards given out by the hollywood foreign press association. The hollywood foreign press association is made up of around 90 international, no black journalists who attend movie junkets each year in search of a better life. We say around 90 because a couple of them might be ghosts and it’s rumored that the german member is just a sausage that somebody drew a little face on at the golden globes. We give out awards for movies and tv, but i mean it’s hard to tell them apart this year, because movie theaters were closed and we watched everything on our phones, so you may be confused, which nominees count as movies and which are considered tv now tv is The one that i watch five hours straight, but a movie, is the one that i don’t turn on because it’s two hours i don’t, want to be in front of my tv for two hours.
I want to be in front of the tv for one hour five times. I think the rule is if their fake teeth look real that’s a movie and if their real teeth look fake, that’s tv. If the british actors are playing british people, it’s tv, if they’re playing americans it’s a movie if you’re like mario lopez, is surprisingly good in this that’s tv yeah and if it stars matthew mcconaughey as a poetic, drifter it’s, a car commercial, we watch tv and movies Differently like in movies, it’s called human trafficking, but on tv, it’s, called 90 day fiance and if it’s a play that has been turned into a movie, but you watch it on a tv. It’S called the pluvy and there are at least four of them nominated tonight. Oh, congratulations to all the pluvies, so let’s see what these european weirdos nominated this year. Nomad land is a movie where francis mcdormand plays a lady who travels across the desert in her van and poops in a bucket, and my kids were like. Could we do that? First spring break: could we do anything? Mank is short for bankowitz, the name of the screenwriter of citizen kane, and that is the only thing they shortened. The queen’s gambit is whatever james corden was up to in the prom. I guess the prom came out at the perfect time because this year, so many teenagers didn’t get to go to their prom, so they could watch james, corden and meryl streep go to it instead and that’s still fun right guys.
The trial of chicago seven, i think, is the best of all the trial of chicago movies, but it’s still not as good as police academy, seven mission to moscow who’s with me. The thing i love about aaron sorkin’s writing is, he can have seven men talking, but it feels like a hundred men talking yeah. The undoing was a sexy and dramatic mystery where nicole kidman’s coat is suspected of murdering her wig soul is a beautiful pixar, animated movie, where a middle aged black man’s soul accidentally gets knocked out of his body and into a cat. The hfpa really responded to this movie because they do have five cat members. Normal people is an emotional show about two young lovers in ireland and is best viewed in bed with your hot laptop right on your crotch. One night in miami is a fictionalized version of a meeting that took place between malcolm x, cassius clay, sam cook and jim brown, where i assumed the topic of discussion was how the hell did we get out of florida speaking of one night in miami, there are Great directors nominated tonight, regina king for one night in miami chloe zhao for nomad land and revenal for promising young women and two other people, but we’re out of time. Emily in paris is nominated for best tv series, musical or comedy, and i for one can’t wait to find out which it is french exit is what i did after watching.
The first episode of emily in paris, maria bakalova from borat, is a nominee tonight which is huge for the bulgarian community. Jim parsons and kaylee koco are nominees tonight, which is huge for the bazinga community. What else? Oh sia’s, controversial film music is nominated for best international flopper rooney. I don’t want to get into it guys, but it’s real, problematic and twitter is saying it’s the most defensive casting since kate hudson was the weight watchers spokesperson. Oh, you know this is probably something we should have told you guys earlier. Everybody is understandably upset at the hfpa and their choices. Look a lot of flashy garbage got nominated, but that happens. Okay, that’s like their thing, but a number of black actors and black lead projects were overlooked and look. We all know that award shows are stupid, yeah, they’re, all a scam invented by big red carpet to sell more carpet. We know that the point is even with stupid things. Inclusivity is important and there are no black members of the hollywood forum press i realize hfpa. Maybe you guys didn’t get the memo, because your workplace is the back booth of a french mcdonald’s, but you got to change that so here’s to changing it. Yes, and looking forward to that change, we do have some good news. We are raising money tonight together. The hfpa, mrc and nbc are donating 2 million dollars defeating america’s, proven 19 response fund, and that is awesome.
Yes, all right here we go guys. Are you ready? Could this whole night have been an email? Yes, but then we wouldn’t get the chance to see our beautiful first presenter, like a child’s skeleton pajamas.