I mean of course come on. I mean i was a kid back then, and now um. I am a woman 15 years a lot of time and that those 15 years are the most crucial when you are um from from a girl. You become a woman and the most important thing that i’ve learned about my own self is that that i somewhere, i was um Music. You know i was i i have evolved a lot. I would like to believe that and i’m i’m somebody who has become a much more sorted person growing up. I was very i mean no wonder i attracted all edgy characters. I was very edgy person. I was somebody who was so wild. I was too wild and i don’t know how i made it. I was so wild that i should have not been alive. I was that wild i’m surprised that i’m alive, so i am i’m of course, so i’m i’m happy that um. You know i sorted myself out and i and i became livable, if not lovable, i can at least live if not be loved. No, i feel loved and i think the kind of love i want. I i have in my life with so many people around me. Uh, along with a lot of hate, also no not a problem, because everybody has to face that no, i don’t mean that but um. But yes, i think now at 34, i’m much sorted and a woman like a woman and i’m glad about that that i didn’t just age, but i grew up also Music.
The showbiz has many places for of many types and the kind of place they wanted to give me. I was not okay with that and then then the kind of place they had for the actress. I was not okay with that. Also i wanted um. You know to another type of a place for myself and above everything i wanted. A lot of respect as an individual, but actresses in general were treated very badly in those days and generally in film. Industry actresses are given very bad treatment and they are even by bad treatment. I mean that constantly they are treated as lesser beings. You know so to have that second citizen type of that treatment, didn’t go well with me, and i and i tried to make my own place. That was a big struggle. If i had to settle for what they were giving me, i don’t think i would have come this way. I told you the shelf life shelf, like they kept telling me, so that is so easy for any fair girl for them. Beauty means fair gora if you’re gory, you’re beautiful, so i was gora enough. So of course i could have with my gora rang. I could have made in place for three four years which anybody can go with gurarang, so that was all that they wanted. In return of my guru rang that shelf life, they were ready to give me, but i was not okay with that um, and that is my goal around these, of least of my favorite things that i like.
I have so much more to me as an individual, and i was i was appalled to see that they don’t care about that they they have nothing to do with that now. They must be shocked that what kind of a person she turned out to be. I was always this person, you didn’t see me like that. So what can i do? I tried to tell you in so many ways that i have so much more to offer. You know i have so much more to do as an individual as a creative person. You are not interested only beyond goal around. What can i do so? I mean to help with you i don’t care, but for me i was not okay with the kind of place they wanted to give me Music, not really, but i think dirty picture just like i always said it just turned out to be so wonderful um, but I would i don’t think i would have done it better than video because um she was terrific in that, but yes, sometimes i feel that i did not see the potential in that film and um i’m. One of those who we i mean life of. Obviously, i wouldn’t did not give me anything on platter and the opportunities that were given to me. You know if i’m, if, like this, like my dialogue in my upcoming film, if life gave me an ounce, i gave it back a pound. You know, like i made so much from my you know, even my offbeat films i i made became a mainstream star from in an off from parallel or off.
Beat films like that i’ve completely, you know make most of my opportunities. I multiplied the outcome of my opportunities into another proportion. Only i’ve never done your one of those conventional films of uh in rajiv, rani or bhansali, or even dharma production or none yeshraj films, nothing, your khans films, nothing i’ve done none of it, but still i am the top leading actress who has made her name. It is a case study in its own self, so obviously, but i failed to see opportunity in the picture that i don’t regret, but i definitely it is not worth it. Music well for now, i’m, very happy being um being an actor, and i definitely want to become a very successful director. I want to be the top director in the country and also i want to be a producer, a good enough producer because i’m, not a money person and but i want to make good content, and i want to be somebody who is backing good content Music. Well, this is a redundant question, but anybody would want to do that. You know, like i’d say that i started as a very intense actor. Then i was shamed so much about my acting that you know. Why are you trying to become an art house actor? Because you know you will become i. I don’t mean to disrespect anyone, but i am just quoting what people told me that if you become so as good as samita, partial or shabana, then you can never be a mainstream actor.
This is what i was told you know so everybody’s like. Why are you, why do you want to be such a good actor? So after after doing films like gangster bullam metro and all that really, then i i tried to do double demar and rascal, and you know shakalaka boom and in those film the way i’m acting clearly i’m trying to dump myself down to everybody’s level. To to you know, doing characters below my intelligence, and i am not blaming anyone for that. I wanted to do those films and i don’t mean to disrespect anyone and please don’t sensationalize this. I have a lot of respect for them because obviously i was paid so well and i could do so many things and buy so many things that i wanted to. You know that is not the point. What i’m trying to say is, but when i see those these films now, i cringe to see myself that how can one devalue oneself in such a huge way just to fit in just because i am such a good actress and nobody likes that. I must dumb myself down, i must play dumb and i must act bad so that people accept me and yes, nobody will believe that and but but of course, in future generation, people will not believe that such a thing must have happened, but you guys know that It happened, and it is right there for everyone to see if you see those films, but what a tragedy, what a tragedy um, if i could, i would want to tell my younger self don’t do that.
Do not try and fit into mediocrity. If you are exceptional, you accept yourself, people will accept you if you’re exceptional, you may not be like anyone else. You may not be like the kind of actresses, which are you know, loved by india. You may not be hema malini or deepika padukone or sonam kapoor. No, you may not be that or aaliyah, but but you are commoner or not. You should accept yourself for who you are um. I would want to tell my younger self that and prevent myself from doing any things which are so embarrassing if you know like for me, also to see it’s quite embarrassing. Anyway, i can forgive myself this kind of mistakes a little bit when you’re young, you try and you test and of course everybody goes through insecurities and a lack of confidence, and when you feel that maybe everything has just gone wrong in life, i need to turn. I need to change myself. I need to color my hair and i need to you know botox my lips and i need to just do things that people will accept me because everything has happened wrong. Everybody feels that way i want to tell young girls also don’t feel that way. You are perfect.